Live Wholeheartedly

A few days ago, a friend of mine lent me a book titled "Have a New Kid by Friday", by Dr. Kevin Leman. She had been having some issues with her son, and her mother-in-law bought her the book. She read through it and although she wasn't so keen on the idea of her mother-in-law buying her a parenting book she thought it made sense and said she immediately started seeing a difference in her son's behavior when she started implementing the tools learned with the book. I asked her if I could borrow it, not because we'd been having any major issues with our daughter like she'd been having with her son - but more because we'd been having some small issues (lying, mouthiness, vanity issues, etc) that I am afraid could turn into big issues if we don't handle them now…and the methods we have been using thus far have not been working (grounding, lecturing, etc.). She has always been an extremely good kid, and that I’m thankful for - so I really truly don’t want a “new kid” - but a little help in how to deal with the changes she’s going through would be good.

If it works like it says it will, I would also like to start implementing it now so that when we do have foster children come into our home we already have methods we are comfortable with, and in agreement on, in place to deal with anything that might come up. It might help some of the transitional issues that come along with fostering if this book is as good as all the reviews I’ve read say it is.

So I already read the book once through, quickly the first time - it was easy to read and actually was very interesting and hard to put down. Maybe I can learn a few skills to make me a better parent…not that I am a bad one by any means - but I do wish I would be able to handle some situations better than I currently do. And the book explains, and I agree, that a child’s behavioral “issues” are more a parents issues in not knowing how to deal with misbehavior. Children learn what they live, right? I have always believed that…yet I find myself so upset with my daughter when she is stubborn or when she thinks she’s ‘always right’. However, thought it might have been a fleeting thought before - this book has made it abundantly clear that she gets some of those things from me. She gets a few things from her father, too. We both have realized after talking about the book - even before implementing any changes - that we need to change our OWN attitudes, behaviors and responses so that she can learn new attitudes, behaviors and responses. Hopefully this book has given us the tools to do that.

Anyway…it’s Monday…a new week, and since the book doles out its chapters by days of the week - I am going to start re-reading it, along with my husband, on the car ride home from work - one chapter per day of the week. That way we can start using each step and each tool on a daily basis as we learn them. I don’t know if it will create a new kid - or new parents - by Friday…but I do have faith that it can work if we are consistent and follow the steps, because they do make sense. I have read about so many people who have had an incredible turn-around in their families by following the steps in this book. So we are starting today. I am writing about it because I consider our family a ‘typical’ every-day family - and if we can do this, if it works for us, than I am convinced it can work for anyone who sets their mind to it. If it doesn’t, well I want to share that too, so that if it happens to not work for someone else maybe they’ll know they’re not the only dark spot among the multitude of glowing reviews.

I am hoping to post daily with an update as to how the previous day went…what went wrong, what went right, etc. By the end of the week…I will blog about how I feel about the book after trying it out for a week…hopefully my review and results will be as astounding as the others I have read! So here we go…our little parenting experiment. It seems funny to be trying to change my parenting style when my child is almost 12, but it’s never too late right?

God Bless,
Mariah

Posted in: Adoption, Faith, Family, Foster Care on Monday, June 15, 2009 at at 12:10 PM